Worries
by Knowing Grace
Summary: Edmund confides in Peter about his secret fears upon their arrival back in England after the events of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe". A brother bonding moment before their return to London.


**Hullo, everyone! This is actually my first attempt at a Chronicles of Narnia fanfiction which is rather surprising, seeing as how I've been in love with the books before I could even read them for myself. *Remembers wonderful evenings when her older brother would read _Prince Caspian _aloud to her* I hope it makes sense and that you enjoy it. I actually sat down and wrote this little thing in about an hour. It has been proof read, but if you find any typos, they are entirely my fault and if you point them out to me I will fix them and will be much obliged to you! :D**

**Please read and let me know what you think about it (flames are for fireplaces not fanfiction and they will be used to roast marshmallows). ;)**

**Disclaimer: *Insert something witty here* I don't own The Chronicles of Narnia or the characters mentioned below. I only wrote this to share my joy of Narnia with all the other Narnia fans out there! I am receiving no monetary gain from this piece of fiction.**

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**Worries**

**by Knowing Grace**

"You've been awfully quiet lately, Ed. Is there anything the matter?" Asked Peter, startling me out of my thoughts as he plopped down beside me on the bench and dangled his fingers into the clear water of the Koi pond. I raised one shoulder in a half shrug.

"It's nothing." I replied out of habit, all the while knowing that my older brother would get the truth out of me one way or the other—he was very good at that sort of thing. I could feel him staring at me, but I refused to meet his gaze, content instead to watch as several large, orange and white fish nosed about the pool, occasionally prodding Peter's hand when curiosity got the better of them.

"Oh, it's nothing, is it? Well then why do you look so troubled? You've hardly said one word since we..." He trailed off and I could tell that he'd just had a revelation of some kind or other. "It's Narnia, isn't it?" He said, at length, "You miss it." He withdrew his hand from the water and sat up straight. Glancing over at him, I caught a faint glimpse of wistfulness in his brown eyes, but then it was gone and another, different emotion that I could not give a name to took its place."We all miss it, Ed, you aren't alone in that regard." He added and I shook my head.

"No, Peter, that's not it. I _do_ miss it, of course: Mr. Tumnus, the Beavers, not to mention Aslan; but that's not what's bothering me at the moment...I-I don't know how to explain it." I said, tossing the bit of grass I had been twirling between my fingers onto the gravel path beside me.

Peter said nothing; after spending fifteen years learning the ways of ruling Narnia as Kings together, he knew that, if given the time to collect my thoughts, I would tell him everything that was going on in my mind. So he just sat there, patiently waiting. The problem was, I wasn't quite sure that he would be able to understand me even if I could convey what I was feeling to him.

Frustrated, I let out a breath and leaned forward, pressing the palms of my hands against my cheeks.

"When we were there," I began, "it felt like England was a dream and Narnia was the only home I had ever known. The longer we stayed, the more I forgot about London, Mother, Father, and my school friends. Even though it was hard to live under such high standards as royalty, somehow life seemed easier there.

Now that we're back...I don't remember what Cair Paravel looks like anymore. I can't recall the exact shape of a dryad or the name of our Gryphon commander." I raised my head and looked Peter full in the face and to my utter mortification, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. "But more than that, I'm afraid, Peter. I learned so much there, I fear that all of that will fade away and I'll go back to the way I was before we discovered the Wardrobe. I was such a git to all of you and..." A lump lodged in my throat and I daren't continue for fear of turning into a sobbing mess in front of my elder sibling—how embarrassing that would be!

A strong hand gripped my shoulder, squeezing it gently and I felt a lone tear trickle down my cheek and land in my lap.

"Oh, Edmund, you can't go back to the way you were, not even if you tried. You've changed so much over the past decade and a half and I am proud to call you my brother." Peter said, leaning in and pressing his forehead to mine.

"B-but what if I _do_ forget and I betray you again? It's in my blood—" He pulled back and lifted my chin until our eyes met.

"No!" He said the word so sharply that I shrank back as far as his hand would allow me to. "No," he continued in a far gentler voice than I had ever heard him use before, "it is not in your blood, Brother, that is the lie of the Witch talking through you. Aslan saved you—"

"I can't imagine why; there's nothing special about me." I broke in, feeling the weight of my former sins hang heavy upon me once more.

"That's not true and you know it. You were always worth saving, Ed. If there's one thing I've learned about Aslan in the time that I've known Him it's that he never does anything unless there is a reason. He loves you, Edmund; He loved you so much that He willingly sacrificed Himself for you, and that is an encouraging thing and not something you should ever take for granted." He fell silent, letting his words sink in for a while and then he spoke again. "Do you remember what Aslan told us on our coronation day? Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen.* You were born to be a king, Ed. It's true that you may forget about our castle or the people we knew and loved there, as may all of us in time, but you will always, _always_ remember what your experiences in Narnia taught you." He smiled at me, released my shoulder and lightly punched me in the arm. "Never forget who you are, little brother; whether you are in Narnia or England, you are King Edmund the Just, the bane of my existence," I squawked indignantly at that, "and I love you with all of my heart." I felt the phantom shackles holding me to the past fall from me and I grinned back at him.

"Thanks, Peter."

"Peter! Edmund! Are you out here? Mrs. MacCready sent me to tell you that lunch is ready!" The distinctive voice of my older sister called to us from across the yard.

"We'll be there in a moment, Sue!" Peter shouted back and then glanced my way. "Are you up to eating now?" He asked. My stomach growled loudly in answer and I felt my cheeks turn a dull shade of red as Peter laughed aloud. "I'll take that as a resounding yes." With a sly grin on my face, I leaped up, shoved my brother off of the bench and tore off towards the Professor's house.

"Oi! I'll get you for that, you little brat!"

~Finis

* "Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen" is taken directly from page 182 of _The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe_ by C.S. Lewis.


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